When Anna asked me to write an article about my participation in Bev's course, I jumped at the opportunity because, even though I am scared and worried about what people may think of my writing, I love to challenge myself in overcoming my anxiety. That's how it has been for me, probably I suspect because my Dad taught me to swim by dropping me in the ocean near him and saying "Swim!" Feel the fear and do it anyway! "Shock, horror", I hear you say, but don't worry, he did the best he could with what he knew as most parents do and all is forgiven on that front.
So why did I do the course? I enrolled in Bev's "Working With IT" course as another series of panic attacks had me by the neck. I have suffered these horrid episodes for perhaps the last fifteen or more years. No need to tell you about it because you all know what it is like.
I walked into the small church hall on the first night, feeling nervous but knowing I was going to learn something. I have participated in many self-development seminars and groups and love to experience those breakthroughs inherent in these sessions. I teach workshops myself and believe that we all have something to contribute.
The best thing that came out of the first evening for me was "Why WOULDN'T I have anxiety?" What a relief! I was the classic "good girl", I'd had "stuff" from my childhood to deal with, I was a control freak and needed to have things just right and I was a walking, talking "I'm right" machine! I came home that night eager to do the homework and to get into it. I began the monitoring of my anxiety every two hours for the first week and within a couple of days realised that I had a time issue. If I ever need to have the children somewhere on time, I stress out and tell myself that there won't be enough time to get everything done. Bingo! I noticed this to be a pattern in my life, getting myself all worked up when people were coming or things needed to be done. Once I realised this and surrendered to the moment I was able to achieve so much more than before. As soon as we can get a handle on the idea that our thoughts create our reality, we can catch ourselves when we are in our doom and gloom self-talk. Wonderful!
The next great insight was the idea that Emotions can be interpreted as Energy - in - Motion. Being an energy worker myself, this one was easy to understand. When you begin to panic, do you notice that you tell yourself stuff like, "oh, no, here it comes again", "here we go again" or something like "it's back...aagghh!" or other such resisting notions? If we can see that this fear is natural and not resist it, we can allow it to just move through us. I've tried this every time since the course. The first time was in the supermarket when I felt that unreal feeling which usually heralds some panic. I held on to the trolley, remembered that the feeling was "energy in motion" and just allowed it to pass through me. I reckon it lasted less than half a minute and then it was gone. I was triumphant! Nearly told the person next to me at the margarine fridge.
What else impacted on me? Oh yes, Bev helped us to get in touch with our "IT" (the fear/panic/anxiety) and treat it like a naughty child. She took us into a process to ask our IT what it needed. I had the realisation that my "little girl" (inner child) had never learnt HOW to love. We all crave to love and be loved. How could I do that if I was never taught? So I thought, "I need to have a love affair with myself". That week, I bought beautiful tulips, not just a cheap bunch of flowers for myself, but the best. I bought a beautiful card and spent lots of money on some gorgeous lingerie! I deserve the best and who can give that to me? MYSELF!!
These are the great things that happened for me by participating in Bev's course. Others will have their stories of what was important to them. I'd recommend the course. The people were just like you and me, the music and meditations were lovely, the environment was made safe and nurturing and I am more able to manage my anxiety and help others who come to me for help.
Thank you Bev, and to Anna and ADAVIC for all your committed hard work. P.S. As I write this, I'm sitting in a booth on my own in a warm, local pub sipping a glass of red and not worrying about being alone here or people looking at me. Good, eh?......) by Helen O'Connor
Helen has been a teacher in Special Education, and for the past twelve years, a practitioner and teacher of Reiki, a natural healing method. Helen runs her home-based business, The Reiki Cottage in Preston while mothering two primary school aged children. She can be contacted on 9484 7276
By Helen O’Connor
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