Anxious but Safe by Joe Bolza

“Anxious but Safe” by Joe Bolza, Clinical Psychologist
(now retired) PADA

Anxiety can make its presence felt under several very different situations. When the anxiety system is activated, it can feel much the same, regardless of the cause or validity of anxiety. Usually we get an automatic sense of danger when we are anxious, however, depending on the situation, we may actually be quite safe. Sorting out our actual level of safety is vital. We too often “listen to our anxious feelings” and act as if they were accurate signals of danger, without checking out if they are “on track”.

The most obvious anxiety provoking situation is when there is a clear and current danger. Typical examples are being physically attacked, being actually threatened with punishment, when we see someone (for example a child) exposing themselves to danger (crossing a busy road without looking).

The second is when learning and memory are involved. An actual danger, or a “felt” danger has occurred in the past. Memory stores the experience, including the situation and the feeling. When you find yourself in a similar situation in the future, the memory can activate the anxiety system, putting you “on guard”. The situation often just has to have some similarity. It doesn’t have to be identical. We may not even be aware why we are anxious under these conditions. There may also not be a current danger, as the situation is not identical enough. For example, we may in the past have been attacked by a swooping magpie. We may then get anxious in the presence of similar sized birds, even though they are different kinds of birds, and in fact harmless.

The third is the least understood. It includes “out of the blue” panic attacks and periods of anxiety states. Many of these have a physiological cause, such as hormonal changes (often around menopause, prior to periods, pregnancy, post natal), blood sugar changes, hyperventilation, medication or withdrawal from medication, many street drugs, etc. Usually, the experience is best seen as a “false alarm”, meaning that we have become agitated because a physiological change has been misinterpreted by our nervous system as “cause for alarm”. As a false alarm, we need to see that any alarming thoughts or conclusion we might have are also “false”. That then means we are likely to be safe.

Change in itself can sometimes trigger the anxiety system, putting you in a physiological state of readiness in case the new situation may pose difficulties or dangers. We often confuse “might be a problem”, with “is a problem”, especially when we are highly anxious. We need to use other objective methods of assessing actual problems, such as our “eyes and ears”, rather than our potentially misleading anxiety. Change in fact could be quite safe.

We are biologically primed to be somewhat anxious in many social situations, even if there is no actual physical danger. Our nervous system responds to having eyes looking at us, so it is normal to be revved up if we are the focus of attention. The larger the “audience”, or the more power it has to criticize, or judge, the more anxious we are likely to become. This can be minimised by lots of practise involving positive experiences, but most people are likely to have their anxiety system “on guard” to some degree. This is an important lesson in helping people with social phobia, who find it embarrassing and shameful to have anxiety symptoms in social situations.

Finally, most people are aware of how we can “talk ourselves into feeling anxious”. Even if we are feeling initially quite comfortable, if we start thinking too many “what ifs” about some situation, the anxiety system starts engaging, to prepare us “better” in case the “what ifs” start to materialize. As we start to get anxious, it appears to validate our growing sense of danger, which then increases our anxiety. Before we know it, we can build a five star Hollywood drama and believe in it. Meanwhile, the situation we are in could be quite harmless, and none of our anxious predictions come to pass.

Overall the main point is that when anxiety surfaces, for whatever reason, it is only our personal warning system saying there might be some danger. It doesn’t in fact mean there is danger. We could be “anxious but safe”.

Re-printed with permission by Joe Bolza