During my experience going through counselling at first was a scary thought. I had no idea of what to say although I knew in my heart what was going on in that time of thought when I needed to talk to someone about how I was feeling.
I had no idea of what to say. I felt embarrassed at first. I had all these thoughts going through my head but wasn’t sure how to get them out and talk about them. I spoke to friends and family, and even though they were there to listen to me and try to advise me, it still wasn’t enough for me to think it was all out of my head and gone for me to understand how to handle the way I felt. Most of the time I swept my thoughts under the carpet thinking I was just being silly, or overreacting about silly things. Little did I know they were not silly thoughts at all. They were the little things eating away at me because I didn’t know how to deal with them myself.
I finally got the courage to go and see a counselor which was through my mum’s work. I was very nervous on my first day, it felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt strange and shaky. My dad drove me for my first session, he knew I was nervous and said to me its ok, there’s nothing wrong with you, you just need to open up and tell the counselor how you are feeling and what is bothering you so much.
I remember walking into the room and sitting down with the counselor and she introduced herself to me. She was lovely, nice and gentle. Hi Michelle, she said. What can I do for you today? How about you start by telling me how your day has been so far. She was able to break the ice quickly and professionally. She was close to my age so I found it not so bad to start off by telling her how my day so far was going. Then she slowly went into things about my family history and if there were any issues I wanted to talk about. It took me awhile to be able to trust her in a way I could just open up and talk freely about how I was feeling. Usually I’m not very open about the way I feel so she had to try and find little ways to open up the way I was feeling.
After we had discussed a few things, I finally got into some deep talking and what was really bothering me. It felt good but the more I spoke the more emotional I became. I felt so sad and alone, the room around me felt dark and gloomy. I was in a world of my own, but getting it out in the open with someone I trusted and cared about what I was saying made me feel a little better, but I wasn’t out of the woods just yet. There were a few issues I had to raise.
While discussing things my counselor told me she wanted to see more of me. I asked how many times she would need to see me, she replied with once a week at this point. I asked her why she wanted to see me once a week. She said she was worried about me and my wellbeing and how seeing her would hopefully help me to lift some of the sadness away from my life. At that stage I was very emotional and had a lot to get off my chest. I wasn’t the happy teenage girl I should have been.
I went to counseling for 6 months. I was only supposed to have six sessions, but because of the way I felt I needed a lot of coaching and to help me get through my problems. My counselor had given me a diary to write things down that were bothering me during the week when I wasn’t seeing her, so when I went to see her the following week I was able to discuss what was bothering me and we both thought of strategies to work out how I could overcome the way I was thinking and put them into positive thoughts, even though thoughts were negative in my life.
Throughout my six months, I found new ways to cope with my sadness at the time. I would write notes down all the time and work through ways to become a happy person. By the time I had left my counseling sessions I was able to move into a different direction and could see colour in my life. I smiled more. I was happy with myself and things around me didn’t have the same effect as before. My negative thoughts were moving into a positive direction where I was able to fight the way I was feeling and be more determined to become strong and believe in a force that could direct me into a happier environment. I was no longer in that dark place. Every time something would upset me, I would write it all down and keep a journal. Before I knew it I was turning negative into positive and wanted to be around people who would inspire me and help me become a better person. No-one could ever make me feel sad because I would wipe those thoughts out of my head.
All of these years down the track I have now discovered a passion to work as a counselor myself and hope to study, what I believe would help and hopefully help other people in situations I felt myself. Emotions are very powerful thoughts. I find if I listen to particular songs at the time, they make me feel even stronger. The one band I find encouraging and what really goes on in someone’s head. It brings on such a strong emotion, but a good emotion.
There are places now that you can call over the telephone if you don’t feel like a face to face discussion. They are called Beyond Blue or Lifeline which is confidential and trained professionals guide you through your questions. Counselors are not there to tell you what to do but to listen to you and guide you through to a positive place. No one can tell you how you feel, but they are there to listen to you.
Lifeline 13 11 14
Kids Help Line 1800 551 800
Mens Line 1300 78 9978
Families Counselling Line 1800 011 046
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
Re-printed with permission – Wellbeing Magazine
This Magazine is produced by the participants of the “Well-being Magazine” A Work for the Dole activity which is sponsored by WorkForce Plus.
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