Being me....

When I was asked to share my story on how I cope with my anxiety problems and also having disabilities, I thought there was no way I could share my journey. Then I started to think about it during the next few days, and here I am trying to put words together to form the article I didn’t think I could write.

We all have a story to share, whether it burns within us waiting to be released is or kept hidden in the closet like skeletons in the dark.

I am not sure when my anxiety problems decided they would try to take over my life, but since I was a young child I have struggled in life. Maybe it was due to my parents getting divorced, family problems or health conditions that have slowly and continued to affect me. I am profoundly deaf, have disabilities, a chronic illness and recently was diagnosed as being legally blind (strange term as I can still see and it’s not against the law to be blind). In some ways, I use my disabilities to avoid social gatherings or invites, it’s like I can hide behind what I have. Why I am scared to socialise? Why do I fear Christmas when it’s about spending time with the people you love? Why do I enjoy being lonely, it’s not natural to be like that? I am sure there are many of you out there reading this that ask yourselves the same questions.

Even when I was a child, I only had one or two friends. I was never the one to be the life of the party. I was usually last to be selected when it came to being split into groups for school or teams sports. Mum tried everything she could to get me involved with something but in the end I just couldn’t fit in.

Now that I am older I find that it’s easier to hide behind “the rock”, but I am slowly learning that it’s not good for me to be in that sort of environment. If I decide I want to go to an event or outing and I’ve said yes, I am forever thinking what if this or that happens, and sometimes I am able to ignore these thought and go, but then sometimes I give in to them and cancel at the last minute.

Having the internet and being able to write to the several penpals that I have I feel has helped me realise some of the anxiety that continues to try and control my life. It’s good being able to reveal things to people you haven’t met or may never see, but then someday I do hope I meet my friends that I’ve shared so much with.

Having a newsletter like the one this article is in brings a lot of hope and courage because it’s something we can all do-sharing our journey in the hope of helping others. What works for some won’t always work for others but there is hope. We all have ladders to climb, it’s just that the steps we take are different some will be slow and others will be fast.

Whether you are disabled or have disabilities try not to hide behind them for we are all blessed in what God has given us. Everyone in some point of their lives will suffer from anxiety and it’s important not to let it affect your life or control it. I have placed some tips below that you may find encouraging.

Tips
Keep a book or writing pad where you feel your anxiety affects you most, and jot them down when you feel they are there even if you only write questions.

Get out into nature, plant a herb garden in your yard or pot up some seedlings – it’s amazing watching nature grow.

Get a small pet like a budgie, fish or something that you feel you could cope with. Pets bring great joy (if you rent try to check with the landlords but small things like birds or a fish shouldn’t be a problem).

Get your hands busy in the kitchen, try baking muffins or discovering new recipes. I love cooking and it’s even better when I can freeze the extra amounts.

Go to your local op shop and discover a new bargain for yourself. It gives me joy going op shopping even if I only buy a few magazines.

I hope that some of those tips help, and I know they won’t help everyone but they will help someone.
I also urge readers out there who were like me thinking they couldn’t put words to paper, but hey I’ve done it (thanks to the computer) and if I can do it so can you it starts with one step….
Anon – June 2009