UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

An expectation is a hope or belief that something may materialise within a certain time frame or according to what we perceive in our mind’s eye. Having an expectation to accomplish something or to achieve a desire can be categorised as a healthy need. However stress starts when we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and sometimes on others. Emotional distress, relationship conflicts, communication breakdowns, misunderstandings, distrust and anticipation are few stresses that we may experience as a direct result of unrealistic expectations. It is important to be aware when we place expectations that are too high for achievements. When undertaking a project or setting goals, many factors such as time and resources available should be taken into consideration. When we surpass our capacity to perform our desires we end up causing ourselves frustration, anger, discouragement and depression.


Let’s take someone who wants to lose 50 pounds. This person is very eager to lose weight and sees an advertisement on television of someone who lost 25 pounds in two weeks. She places an expectation of herself to lose 25 pounds in two weeks. If consideration is given to how long it took this person to put on 50 pounds in the first place, the calculation may be months or years. Yet the desire is to get a quick fix without giving importance to the process involving weight loss. Losing 25 pounds in two weeks is not logical but an expectation is already placed towards achievement which may very well end up in failure. This kind of expectation is unrealistic and the conclusion may be disappointment, frustration and finally to give up ones goals or desires. On the other hand, if thought is given to breaking down the goal into manageable portion and a plan is made to lose one or two pounds a week, that in the long run will lead to achievements. It may take many months but the goal is reasonable, logical and achievable. Therefore it is a wiser option to be realistic in our approach and have the wisdom to make goals that are attainable. Coming to terms with unrealistic expectations will give us the power to set ourselves free from wanting to achieve high standards.


Life sometimes has a way of shaking things up; let’s make allowances for these life hiccups. Ambitions and goals are great when we play, laugh, relax, love, live, and get things done in a reasonably realistic manner. Healthy realistic goals that work for us will allow us the freedom to enjoy our life and live it to its fullest. If attention is given to how our moods and emotions are intimately tied to our expectations we can pin point the reason why we may want to get involved in unrealistic expectations. It is always the unrealized goals that give unrealistic expectations the power. Then we are disappointed, annoyed and angry that we have failed again. We are humans who sometimes are prone to error, frailty and imperfections; therefore, it is alright if we are not able to accomplish things in a perfect or ideal way.


Giving ourselves a break, being easier on ourselves, setting realistic goals and giving deadlines that are reasonable will avoid failure in the long term. It is better to take time to achieve our goals than to totally stress ourselves. Being able to reassess our plan in a realistic manner is a healthy and flexible way of dealing with our achievements. The secret of people who are highly productive is that they rarely try to tackle a difficult task all at once. Instead, they break the job down into smaller components and do one small step at a time. The achievements will come in knowing our strengths and our weaknesses. Knowing ourselves will make achievements easier. Next time your mind races towards those unrealistic expectations, take a minute to think about the cycle you are about to enter.


By Jeanette (ADAVIC Volunteer)