PERFECTIONISM by Aly—(ADAVIC Volunteer)

I have to go over my work many times until it’s acceptable to me
I don’t trust others to do as good a job as I do so I end up doing it all
I can’t stand it when other people don’t do things my way
I blame myself if things aren’t done just right
I have to do more and more in order to feel accepted by others
I’m so afraid of failing that I never get started
I have no free time
No achievement is ever enough
Who has ever experienced at least one of these thoughts before? I know I have. This may be known to many of you as ‘perfectionism.’

Perfectionism involves putting pressure on ourselves to meet high standards which then powerfully influences the way we think about ourselves. Researchers have shown that parts of perfectionism are helpful, and parts are unhelpful. This is similar to how some anxiety is adaptive, while a lot can be maladaptive. I am sure most of you reading this now would agree, that it is generally a good idea to have high standards. Having goals helps you achieve things in life. But sometimes these standards get in the way of our happiness. Sometimes the drive to do well can actually impair our performance. This is the paradox of perfectionism!

Pursuing these personally demanding standards can have a significant impact on your health and wellbeing. For example, an extremely common characteristic among anxiety sufferers is perfectionism. Expecting perfection from or for yourself can amplify fear of failure, limit learning experiences, and increase anxiety as you reach for and worry about attaining impossible expectations. Perfectionism, while sometimes positively reinforced by teachers, parents, or employers, can quickly result in feelings of low achievement and inferiority when expectations are not met. Perfectionism is usually driven by a fear of negative possibilities, which directly feeds anxiety and often leads to depression.

Here I will list some strategies to help you identify and work on the unhelpful parts, so that you get satisfaction from your achievements and lead a more fulfilling life. This will involve setting appropriate goals and standards for yourself, making it more likely you’ll achieve your goals and experience a sense of fulfilment, rather than feeling frustrated and blaming yourself all the time for not getting things ‘perfect’.

Firstly, it is important you work on one goal area and one specific goal at a time. This is not a race! I understand it may be tempting for some of you to jump straight into achieving your goals and ‘doing it perfectly,’ and others may be tempted to procrastinate because of fear of ‘failure.’ Therefore, take a deep breath and start with a relatively easy task. You can then gradually build up to a harder task. Also, remember to loosen up your unrelenting standards. Breaking down each goal into small steps may also be helpful. The number of steps depends on how stressful a particular goal is. A high-challenge goal will need more steps than a medium-challenge goal.

Remember that you’ll probably experience some anxiety - at any step. That’s why it’s important to start small and work your way up. This gives you the chance to adapt to that level of anxiety, so that you aren’t overwhelmed by higher levels of distress. It might be tempting to return to your perfectionism behaviours if you feel uncomfortable. Keep going until the anxiety reduces so you can see that, as scary as the feelings are, they are not dangerous and they do subside.

• Lastly, I want to leave you all with speaking the following thoughts out loud!

• It is OK to make mistakes.

• It is not necessary to do things perfectly. I do not care if I am judged.

• It is not important that my social interactions or social events go perfectly.

• I put my best forward when interacting with others, but I do not need to be perfect.

• I do not expect friends to be perfect. I appreciate their humanness.

• I love and appreciate my imperfect life, imperfect events, and imperfect interactions.

• My mistakes and imperfections make me human.

• My family does not need to be perfect. My life does not need to be perfect.

• Being a non-perfectionist enables me to do more, create more, and experience more.



Resources:
http://www.selftherapy.org/info/57-anxiety-depression-perfection/
And
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/