"I had three or four flashbacks a day"
In some exceptional cases, the vivid recollection of a trauma can cause distress many years after the incident. Andy, an ex-fire officer, describes his experience of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and how the right treatment has helped him to move on.
"The event that caused my trauma happened 20 years ago when I was a fire officer. I was in charge of an appliance at a house fire where three people had died. It was my job to take their remains out of the house.
"A few days later I became distressed and started crying and feeling upset. This strong reaction came as a shock, but I said nothing at the time. I think this was partly because I didn't want to share my emotions with anybody.
"My feelings and thoughts continued to bother me for a few weeks. After a while I decided that, because of my job, being like this was no good and I had to put these emotions to one side.
"These early responses to the trauma indicated the huge wave of feelings and sensations that would come back 17 years later in a way I couldn’t ignore.
"I was still a firefighter. I kept remembering that terrible event and the feelings it left me with, but I tried not to think about it. A few days later my colleagues and I were at another house fire. It was similar to the one in which the family had died. Suddenly, I felt as if I wasn’t there. My mind was totally occupied in a flashback of the original incident. One of my colleagues had to step in and take over from me.
"From then on I started to become distressed for no real reason. Everything seemed emotional, and I felt raw and exposed. I got easily frustrated, which made me short-tempered and angry.
"When the distress was at its worst, I had three or four flashbacks a day. I would sweat and become very nervous as I remembered the events 20 years ago. All the smells were there, and I even felt the heat of the fire moving across my face. People who saw me say that I sometimes walked about and mouthed words, but I was completely detached from my surroundings.
"That was when it became obvious that I couldn’t go on. After some time, I had a course of trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy with a PTSD charity called ASSIST. They helped me to understand that I had experienced something abnormal, that none of it was my fault, and that there was nothing wrong or crazy about my emotional responses.
"Talking about the fire was uncomfortable at times, but it helped me to process my memories so that they stopped reappearing as flashbacks. They have gone now, and I am able to get on with my life."
(source)
*
My Story of Survival: Battling PTSD
“I'm no longer at the mercy of my PTSD, and I
would not be here today had I not had the proper diagnosis and
treatment. It's never too late to seek help.”
It is a continuous challenge living with posttraumatic stress
disorder (PTSD), and I've suffered from it for most of my life. I can
look back now and gently laugh at all the people who thought I had the
perfect life. I was young, beautiful, and talented, but unbeknownst to
them, I was terrorized by an undiagnosed debilitating mental illness.Having been properly diagnosed with PTSD at age 35, I know that there is not one aspect of my life that has gone untouched by this mental illness. My PTSD was triggered by several traumas, including a childhood laced with physical, mental, and sexual abuse, as well as an attack at knifepoint that left me thinking I would die. I would never be the same after that attack. For me there was no safe place in the world, not even my home. I went to the police and filed a report. Rape counselors came to see me while I was in the hospital, but I declined their help, convinced that I didn't need it. This would be the most damaging decision of my life.
For months after the attack, I couldn't close my eyes without envisioning the face of my attacker. I suffered horrific flashbacks and nightmares. For four years after the attack I was unable to sleep alone in my house. I obsessively checked windows, doors, and locks. By age 17, I'd suffered my first panic attack. Soon I became unable to leave my apartment for weeks at a time, ending my modeling career abruptly. This just became a way of life. Years passed when I had few or no symptoms at all, and I led what I thought was a fairly normal life, just thinking I had a "panic problem."
Then another traumatic event re-triggered the PTSD. It was as if the past had evaporated, and I was back in the place of my attack, only now I had uncontrollable thoughts of someone entering my house and harming my daughter. I saw violent images every time I closed my eyes. I lost all ability to concentrate or even complete simple tasks. Normally social, I stopped trying to make friends or get involved in my community. I often felt disoriented, forgetting where, or who, I was. I would panic on the freeway and became unable to drive, again ending a career. I felt as if I had completely lost my mind. For a time, I managed to keep it together on the outside, but then I became unable to leave my house again.
Around this time I was diagnosed with PTSD. I cannot express to you the enormous relief I felt when I discovered my condition was real and treatable. I felt safe for the first time in 32 years. Taking medication and undergoing behavioral therapy marked the turning point in my regaining control of my lifeI'm rebuilding a satisfying career as an artist, and I am enjoying my life. The world is new to me and not limited by the restrictive vision of anxiety. It amazes me to think back to what my life was like only a year ago, and just how far I've come.
For me there is no cure, no final healing. But there are things I can do to ensure that I never have to suffer as I did before being diagnosed with PTSD. I'm no longer at the mercy of my disorder and I would not be here today had I not had the proper diagnosis and treatment. The most important thing to know is that it's never too late to seek help.
(source)
*
The Story of One Iraq Veteran's Struggle
Many of those did not seek help because of the military culture or fear for their careers, and Rand said only half of those who did, received treatment that was "minimally adequate." The Veterans Administration says that since 1991 there have been 129,654 veterans of the two wars who officially received provisional diagnoses of PTSD.
Mike Nashif, who the Dallas Morning News says "spent 27 months (in Iraq) ... dodging roadside bombs, rocket-propelled grenades, mortars and snipers" and seeing friends die, was one of those stricken by PTSD.
Nashif had been married with children before he left for Iraq. Now that 12-year marriage is gone, another victim of the war, the newspaper said. He sees his children only every other weekend.
Back at home after his first tour, his wife immediately noticed how much he had changed. The Morning News said Nashif "could not distinguish between the battlefield and his living room," and when he became emotional, "he went off like a rocket," at one point grabbing one of his misbehaving children by the throat and holding him against the wall.
Nashif said at the time that seeking psychological help was out of the question for him. He didn't want the Army to know he had problems "especially when your livelihood depends on your being promoted."
Later, Nashif did seek help. Army doctors "noted his searing migraines, frequent nightmares, memory lapses, hyper-vigilance and anxiety. They diagnosed severe post-traumatic stress disorder and traumatic brain injury and recommended him for medical retirement," the Morning News said.
Nashif ultimately found another companion -- and solace in fishing. After his second deployment ended and he returned to Texas, he was put in charge of Fort Hood's Warrior Transition Brigade -- work that led him to found a nonprofit called "Take a Soldier Fishing," which he runs today.
No comments:
Post a Comment