Vicky's Story!!!

What is depression? Is it foe? Some people can relate, some can’t. The word by some people is an old description.

She’ll get over it, you know it’s just the baby blues, you know they all go through it. Well how many times have you heard that? I mean really, we all have feelings and when we hear things like this, it is a feeling of being pushed aside and bundled to the side like a stack of old newspaper. Like who wants to listen, instead of push come to shove, shove come to push?

Time to dig your heels in, stand tall. Be seen and know that your voice can be heard. Describing depression is like going for the last bit of gold; you’re digging deep into the abbey, it’s hollow, empty, very, very black, dirty, smelly, like the core of the earth is rotten, eating away inside your head, leaking into your veins, running the length of your frame.

Your eyes start to swell, you begin to shake a little, then a lot; you can’t control it, someone has taken over your body, like a poison. It doesn’t belong to you anymore. So what to do? Well just got to go with it.

I’m not able to read, nothing makes sense anymore, I’m confused, it’s so noisy here, the light is brighter than normal, it’s hurting my eyes, my pounding head throbs, water floods out of my eye sockets, my clothes are seeping wet. I need to hide, be safe, quiet, I curl up in my bed, wrap my body up in the foetal position, put my doona on, and cover my body inside.

Noise has minimised, tears still run and run, to where they be and where they go, who knows. My body has become weak, I liken this to a rag doll, and my body is not listening to me. It’s in a deep dark, dark, ugly place, where venom expels.
I want to get up but I can’t. I try, I’m limp, soggy; I feel like I could be rung out. Time and time again I feel not much, sense my legs, arms, but the oozing is still happening in my eyes. Light is all around, hard to know why this has happened, what day is it, the hour it’s pasted. Light, dark, who only knows and really who cares.
Depression has it’s own evil and omens to those of us who have survived it, sometimes, it can seep back slowly. Need to keep a check on the day to day things, need to turn the negative thoughts into positive thoughts, ‘keep on keeping on’ tell yourself; find a friend, get an animal. If not, then go to an animal shop, write a letter, read a book.

In recovery from mental illness, depression, loneliness, it is a thing we do learn to live with. I’m sure we all have a wish list, no matter what in life happens there is always someone worse off than ourselves. Learn to be thankful for what we have. Make yourself feel good by lending a helping hand. I hope whoever is reading this can understand.

By Vicky—From Glimpses Publication