Self Esteem

Self esteem is important for our happiness and well being. Our self esteem is often built upon other people’s opinions of us. But why do we care what others think? Humans are social animals and most of the time we thrive on the company of others. We also value their opinions of us. If other people have a positive opinion of us, they will keep us around, but if they have a negative opinion of us, they may reject us. One of the things that we fear most is rejection. When someone in our intimate circle, social group or occupational group puts us down or segregates us, it can make us think that we are less valuable and as a result lower our self esteem. Some people are resistant to this type of criticism or have mechanisms for coping with it. For example, they may simply choose to ignore the person who is treating them badly and make new friends. Others are deeply affected by rejection and may not have the resources to cope. Low self esteem often results in a lack of self worth and self care; therefore there may be little or no motivation to change the circumstances that facilitated the low self esteem.

We can all suffer from low self esteem from time to time, but feeling bad about oneself all the time is not good for mental health. People who have ongoing low self esteem often see themselves in a distorted way and they usually focus on things that they believe are negative about them. They believe, often without much evidence, that others see them in a negative way and can also behave in ways that can reinforce low self esteem. An example of this is engaging in a relationship with someone that treats them in a negative way. This reinforces their attitude about themselves because the other person is reinforcing the idea that they do not deserve to be treated well. Sometimes entering into a relationship or staying with someone who consistently treats you badly is a warning sign that you may have low self esteem.

To improve your self esteem you could try to change the way you think about yourself. Self talk is that little voice inside our heads that tells us how we think and feel about every situation. Some examples are: “They don’t like me because I am not…,” “I never get anything right”, “they are probably thinking…” Ones interpretation about the events in their life will impact how they feel about themselves and others. The website Reach Out has some good advice for depleting negative self talk. They refer to “The ABC of self talk”:

“A” is for activating a situation or thinking about what happened during the situation. If something negative happened during a situation try not to analyze it, just be neutral about what happened, as you cannot tell what others may have been thinking about you.
“B” is for belief about what has caused you to feel a certain way. After a negative situation you may feel upset or angry. Rather than associating that bad feeling with yourself or the situation, acknowledge the bad feeling is independent of the situation and yourself and that you can change it.
“C” is for consequences, or the behaviour that results from your negative beliefs. You may blame yourself for the event and criticize yourself or make yourself feel guilty. Accept that this criticism is based on irrational beliefs you have about yourself. One of the most essential things is not to place too much importance on what other people think of you.

No one is perfect!

References:
www.reachout.com
Dr S. Edelman and L. Remond. (2005). Taking Charge! A Guide for Teenagers: Practical Ways to Overcome Stress, Hassles and Upsetting Emotions. Foundation for life Sciences.

By Jasmine – ADAVIC volunteer

(Jasmine finished her volunteer commitments with ADAVIC in late January and we all wish her well with her future studies)